Divorce is one of the most dramatic life changes you will ever experience. For many people, divorce is also their first major encounter with the legal system. You can’t go it alone — you will need advisors and allies.

Once you have made the decision to divorce, it pays to explore all your options. One good way to start is find an attorney you can trust. You can ask for referral from friends, other professionals, or from a referral service. You may wish to interview several candidates and ask a lot of questions to find a lawyer who fits with your unique needs.

While some lawyers provide an free initial telephone consultation, others prefer to schedule an in-person meeting. You will probably discuss some of these issues:

• What is a Collaborative Divorce, and how is it different from litigation?
• Are you and your spouse still living in the same home?
• Has either spouse started court proceedings?
• Are there children involved?
• Your contact information: name, address, phone number, and email

Your attorney will probably send you information and intake forms to read and complete prior to your first appointment. You will discover as a client that you have a very active role in Collaborative Divorce! Just like school, homework between meetings will help you to make decisions and move your divorce along.

You are not committed to anything at this stage. These documents are merely for your information, to help you decide whether or not the Collaborative Process seems right for you.

What can I expect at the first meeting?

Your first meeting with your own lawyer will probably take 45 to 60 minutes. You will likely discuss:

• How appropriate is Collaborative Divorce for your situation?
• Your main concerns regarding your separation/divorce?
• Your attorney’s retainer agreement and hourly fees
• What is a Collaborative Participation Agreement?
• Basic ground rules for four-way meetings
• What issues will be discussed at the first four-way meeting?

What happens at a four-way meeting?

All important decisions happen during meetings involving both clients, their attorneys, and other Collaborative Professionals. The goal is that information is shared equally, decisions are made in full view, and the process moves forward.

Before each meeting, the Collaborative Team will consult about any pressing items that need to be decided. There should be no surprises at the first meeting — one basic ground rule is that no one is allowed to raise contentious issues that are not already on the agenda. One team member will take minutes of the meeting and write them up afterwards to send to the other participants.

At the first four-way, you can expect the following:

1. Review of the basic ground rules as a guide to good negotiations
2. Sign the Collaborative Participation Agreement
3. Discuss and decide any pressing items
4. Identify any further information that each spouse needs to provide
5. Discuss consultation with other Collaborative Professionals
6. Schedule dates and times for future meetings
7. Agenda for the next meeting
8. Assign “homework” to be completed before the next meeting

What happens between meetings?

• Consultation with Coaches, Financial Specialists, or Child Specialists
• Assessing the value of real estate, pensions, and other property
• Gathering information and completing paperwork
• Attending classes, support group meetings, or individual counseling

What happens at subsequent meetings?

1. Review the minutes of the last meeting
2. Discuss the items on today’s agenda
3. Set an agenda for the next meeting
4. Assign “homework” to be completed before the next meeting

How do we know when we’re done?

When you reach agreement on all of the issues! The attorneys will work together to write up the terms of your agreements in legal form, which you will sign at the final meeting.